My Word Is Law
by roo17
Summary: As Luffy would soon find out, Law always carries out his threats.


My Word is Law

x - x - x

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**Summary**: As Luffy would soon find out, Law always carries out his threats.

**Warnings**: ooc, mild swearing

**Disclaimer**: Hark ye, hark ye! Gather and listen! I do not own One Piece! There, you have harkened. Now carry on with your business.

* * *

**x - x - x**

Don't make me hurt you

**x -x - x**

* * *

Being on the Thousand Sunny with the Straw Hat Pirates was _different_, to say the least. The crew was downright _insane_. Law knew that, he diagnosed each and every one of them himself. The only one who seemed even the least bit normal was Robin. He had almost diagnosed her as sane.

_Almost_.

But then he witnessed her morbid humor, her protectiveness of her precious history books, and the lack of mercy she showed on her enemies first-hand. So, yeah, no one was exactly sane on the ship. There was one person on the ship, however, who had almost no sanity at all. And that person would be the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates. His name? Monkey D Luffy.

And it was this insane patient who Law had ordered an aliance with that was now driving him up the fucking wall.

And that had to _stop_.

_Now_.

- x - x -

All day.

It had been going on _all. fucking. day._

Luffy wouldn't stop following Law around the ship, asking over and over and _over_ again if they could play together. And over and over and _over_ again, Law declined. And it was all day that Law had been patient with Luffy who, for whatever reason, decided to call the surgeon _Traffy_.

Well Law's patience had just run out.

Luffy gave a quiet huff as continued to poke the surgeon's arm. The younger captain had been bored all day and found all his crew memebers were busy with their own things. Zoro, training; Nami, mapping; Usopp, inventing; Chopper, doctoring; Robin, reading; Franky, repairing; Brook, composing. So he decided to play with Law. Only problem? The surgeon didn't want to play with him. The younger male gave a sigh before dropping his arm onto the table, bored of poking the male next to him. Law let out a breath of relief when the poking finally stopped. He didn't like to be touched, and having someone repeatidly poking you for an hour wasn't exactly comfortable or relaxing.

"Traffy~," the male whined. "Play with me~."

"No," was the blunt answer as the surgeon took a drink of his hot coffee. Suddenly, the younger male perked up.

"Oh, Traffy! Guess what?" He waited for the male to respond. He didn't recieve any acknowledgement that he was heard. So he tried again. "Traffy!" Still nothing. So he tugged on the male's sleeve. "Traffy~! Oi, Traff-"

The mug of coffee hit the table hard and the dark brown - nearly black - liquid sloshed over the rim. Before Luffy could react, the sheath of Law's nodachi hit him square over the head. "It's Trafalgar! _Tra_-" He hit Luffy over the head again. "_Fal_-" And again. "_Gar!_" And again. Luffy grabbed his somewhat sore head and whined.

"But I can't say that name..."

"Then use Law! Just _don't _use that nickname." Luffy let out a quiet 'okay' before Law gave a harsh sigh. He turned towards the kitchen door. "I'm going to sleep." He headed onto the deck where most of the crew had gathered to see what the commotion was about. Luffy ran after him, latching onto his leg.

"Nooo, I need someone to play with," the Straw Hat captain pouted.

"Then play with someone else," was Law's answer as he kicked the male off his leg. He turned towards the rest of the crew. "I'm going to sleep and I would _greatly appreciate it_ if no one woke me up." It wasn't a secret that Law rarely got any sleep and when he did, he liked to get as much as he could. He turned and pointed at Luffy with his sheathed nodachi, his eyes hard and icy. "If you try to wake me, I'll take you apart." And with that, he sauntered down into the men's quarters to get, what he hoped, was at least ten hours of sleep.

Once he was out of sight, Nami turned towards her captain with strict eyes. "You heard him, Luffy. Don't bother him." Her eyes scanned over the other crew members, giving them all a silent order. "You understand?" They all nodded. What was the silent order, you ask? That's easy:

Make sure Law sleeps as long as he can.

In other words; _keep Luffy away from the men's quarters._

Sounds simple, right?

Hahahaha- WRONG.

Watching Luffy was worse than watching a little kid.

Watching Luffy meant supervising him every second.

Literally.

- x - x -

Sanji kicked out, his foot connecting with Luffy's face and sending the male across the ship and into the railing. That was Luffy's fourth attempt to get into the men's quarters already. Four times in seventy-three minutes. Lighting a new cigarette, Sanji's eyes never left his captain's limp form on the ground. "But Sanji~"

"Go play with Marimo. Law's sleeping right now."

"But Zoro's locked the door to the training room..."

"Then go play with Usopp."

"But he's-"

"I don't care what he's doing, just go play with him!"

- x - x -

Luffy looked around the corner. No one was in sight. Good. Now was his chance. He ran towards the door, his arm outstretched to grab the door handle and-

A pair of arms sprouted from the ground, making him fall face-first to the ground with a solid _whump_.

"'e, Rob'n. 'as no fea." (Translation: Ne, Robin. That's no fair.)

In the kitchen, Robin gave a smile at her captain's muffled response as she turned another page from one of her many history books.

- x - x -

Zoro leaned against the door as he slept, his snores letting Luffy know that he could sneak past the male and into the men's quarters. On tiptoes, the captain quietly skulked over towards the male. But when he came within two feet of the door, Zoro suddenly unsheathed his katana and held it out to block his captain's path. He never opened his eyes, but Luffy got the message.

_You shall not pass._

He turned and sulked away.

- x - x -

Luffy turned the corner, determined to get into the men's quarters. He looked up and found Brook standing there, waiting for him. "Hello, Captain-san. I'm afraid I can't allow you entrance to the men's quarters. I can, however, play a song for you if you'd like."

Luffy, of course, chose to hear one of Brook's songs.

Pulling out his violin, Brook began to play a soft lullaby.

Luffy was out like a light in ten seconds flat.

- x - x -

His eighth attempt was halted before he even knew it began. He had just turned the corner when he felt something pinch him in the leg. Five seconds later, he was unconscious on the ground, sleeping like a baby. At his feet stood Chopper who let out a relieved breath.

In his hoof was a now empty needle that once held a liquid tranquilizer.

- x - x -

That was it. No matter what, _he was getting into that room._ Luffy stormed around the corner, his nostrils flaring with determination. _Nothing_ was going to stand in his way this time-

He skidded to a halt.

Standing before the door was Nami; her climatact already out and ready to use.

He gulped.

Maybe he could try again later. No. No, he would be bored out of his mind later. No, when Luffy set his mind to do something, he didn't back down. He wanted to play with Law - honestly, he thought the male could use some fun because he's _never_ seen the male _laugh_ - and he couldn't do that until he got into the men's quarters.

Nami gave a dark smirk. "What's the matter, Luffy? Don't you want to try to get past me?" Yes. Yes, he did. But at the same time, he knew Nami ruled this ship with an iron fist. An iron fist he _reeaaalllyyy_ didn't want to feel. He broke out in a cold sweat, his eyes darting here and there. His eyes stopped on the horizon just to the side of Nami. He blinked.

"Oi, everyone! Marine ships!" The crew was out on the deck in two seconds flat. Nami looked to see where Luffy was pointing, as did the rest of the crew who were already drawing their weapons. They searched the ocean's horizon for twelve seconds before they all furrowed their brows.

"Uh, Luffy? I don't see any-" They all turned around to see Luffy was gone. "Huh? Where'd he-"

The door to the men's quarters was open.

_Uh-oh._

"_YEEEAAAAGGGHHHH!_"

_THUMP_

"Shishishishishi! Oi, Traffy, play with me! O-Oi, wai- _AAAHHHHH_-"

Silence.

The crew stood, unmoving, staring at the door that automatically closed itself. Usopp was the first to speak up. "Sh-Should we check on Luffy?"

"Nah, leave him," Franky answered, partially glad he didn't have to guard the door from his captain.

"What if Law killed him?"

"He has too much honor to kill Luffy on a whim. If he wants to take our captain down, he's going to do it in a one-on-one battle."

"Shitty Marimo is right. He's probably fine."

"Leave him. I'm rather enjoying the silence anyway." The crew disperssed to do their own things once again.

- x - x - An Hour Later - x - x -

Law emerged from the men's quarters and dragged himself into the kitchen where he found the rest of the crew waiting to eat dinner. Everyone didn't fail to notice that the skin under the surgeon's eyes were darker than they were before. In one hand he was carrying Luffy's severed head. Nami looked at the clock on the wall. "Aren't you going to sleep a little more?" If the time was right, then that meant Law had only slept three hours and twelve minutes.

"I couldn't go back to sleep after Mugiwara woke me up," he grumbled. Oh. That meant he only slept two hours and twelve minutes. No wonder he looked horrible. Law set Luffy's head on the side as he made himself coffee to help wake himself up. Luffy's eyes landed on the food and instantly his mouth began to water.

"Ne, Law, put me back together! I wanna eat!"

"No," Law answered, clearly not in the mood to fight to keep his food from a certain rubber captain's thieving hands. He took a seat at the table, setting Luffy's head beside him. "I'll feed you myself." He stared at Luffy's face for a second and the severed head blinked.

"Is there something on my face?" Law picked up the head once more and inspected the eyes more closely.

"Your lower rims are a little pale. You're deficient in folic acid, you need to eat your vegetables. More specifically, beets."

"Eh?! But I want meant! Traff-" Law threw him an icy dark glare that made him almost break out into a cold sweat. "L-Law!" He corrected himself. "I need mea-" Law shoved a piece of broccoli into the younger captain's mouth, effectively cutting him off. Using Room, he brought out Luffy's torso - no arms or legs attatched - and connected the head to it, allowing the male to eat.

By the time dinner ended, Luffy only got one piece of meat. He pouted. "I want meat~!"

"Then next time I go to sleep, don't wake me up." Once the table was cleared of all the food, Law - reluctantly - put Luffy back together and was left alone for the rest of the day.

And for that, he was grateful.

- x - x - A Week Later - x - x -

Law entered the deck, his nodachi resting on his shoulder as usual. "I'm going to sleep." Luffy instantly ran to the other side of the ship, putting as much distance as he could between himself and the surgeon. Law gave a victorious smirk at the scene before heading down below deck to catch a few hours of sleep.

"Sheesh. It's scary how he can actually carry out his threats without blinking an eye," one of the crew commented.

"I think he should become one of our nakama," another suggested.

"Agreed," everyone admitted.

"Hey, do you think he's the same way with his own crew? You know, threatens them not to wake him up?"

"...Probably."

- x - x - On Law's Ship/Submarine - x - x -

Sachi quickly sat up in his bed, his body covered in a cold sweat. Most of the crew, he found, was packed in his room to see what was going on. "You were yelling in your sleep," Penguin informed him when he recieved a questioning look, handing him a glass of water.

"Must have been some dream," one of the crew members stated.

"You were really thrashing there for a while," another said.

"What were you dreaming of?" Bepo asked. Once he finished the glass of water, Sachi ran his hand over his face and released a deep breath.

"I had a dream that I woke up the Captain while he was trying to sleep."

The entire crew shivered at just the thought.

A few memebers even paled.

"Then, after that, he found out there was no coffee on the ship."

There were collective, horrified gasps from the crew.

"You poor thing."

"That must have been terrifying."

"If you want to talk about it, we're here for you."

"Two dreams like that in one night... That's torture. I can't believe you survived the horror."

"Thanks, guys," Sachi gave a weak smile. A silence fell among them as they all recollected what Sachi just told them.

Their captain being woken up before he could finish sleeping and then finding out there was no coffee on the ship.

All them shivered again.

A few paled once more.

A couple even fainted at the idea.

"May the gods have mercy on the people who are with our captain at the moment."

Everyone nodded in response.

**x - x - x**  
**A/N: Guys. I just talked my dad into renting a computer for me for a month. I haven't been able to write freely like this in a **_**looooong**_** time. I am **_**so**_** happy right now, I might explode.**

**Sooo, I don't know if people can still eat when their head has been decapitated by Law. So I added Luffy's trunk just in case. ^^; Oh, and just to let you guys know, when Law says Luffy's rims are pale and that he needs more folic acid, he's totally bullshitting. He just wanted to make Luffy eat vegetables. XD**

**Anyway, sorry if this isn't THAT funny. It seemed a lot funnier when I first thought of the idea. My bad. Oh! And I have a question for you guys: How many of you have ever watched Kingdom Hospital? If you like black humor/slight horror (nothing too scary)... ****WATCH****IT****. It's a mini-series, only 13 episodes. BUT IT'S ****REALLY****GOOD****. Like, seriously. If you HAVE watched it, let me know! If you have any questions about it before you decide whether or not to watch it, ask away! I'd be more than happy to answer questions or talk about the show! :D**

**Alright, that's a wrap, folks! Have yourselves a good morning/day/night!**

_Your ice elemental,_  
_~roo the psycho_


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